I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
