Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
