Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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