I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
