It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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