bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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