i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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