this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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