god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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