And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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