i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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