i think i have herpe
just one?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
