We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
