i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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