Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
