You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
