News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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