Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
