I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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