he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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