If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
