I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
