I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
