Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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