Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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