The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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