Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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