if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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