i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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