listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
