Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
