So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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