got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
