youre lurking in front of me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
