he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
