He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
