I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
