Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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