if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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