Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
