Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
