All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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