apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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