i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
