saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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