Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
