dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
