So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
