Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
