I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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