this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
