We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
