My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
